I've been thinking about things and life in general lately and I realized there's still so many things I'd like to accomplish before it's too late. I mean, not to get all sentimental, but we never know when the real "end" is, and I feel like I should give myself some sort of goal or dream to work toward. I never really do this because I always feel like a big fucking failure when I can't even acheive a goal I set for myself, but I think I'm actually going to try this. I'm 25 (and a half!) which means that I'm going to be 30 (OMG!!) in less than 5 years. Fuck, that was hard to type. Ugh. So here it goes:
10 Things I'd like to accomplish before I'm 30 (in no particular order):
1) Own my own house. A cute little white house with a nice front lawn and a red front door. The red door is very important to me. It's my version of "white picket fence".
2) Travel to every state in the United States. I've been to a handful and I've driven through plenty. I want to stay a couple nights in every state and see the things people don't usually go there to see. I especially want to go to the "Four Corners" of the US and lay down on the ground. Four States at once!!! How awesome is that?
3) Learn to play the piano and find more music featuring the piano. It's my favorite sound in the world. It's so passionate and emotional. I can't get enough of it.
4) Go back to school and get my associates degree in business, also my real estate license. This would be useful for when I buy my own house.
5) Fall in love. Crazy beautiful love. The kind that never happens. (hey, I never said it had to last forever...)
6) Buy a new car. The kind of car I've been dreaming of my entire life. One that has a moonroof, great radio/speakers with ipod hookup, power locks/windows, and most importantly...aluminum wheels!! I'm sick and tired of losing my $90 plastic hubcaps!
7) Love my body totally and completly. I've kindof already started this one and I'm very proud of myself. I want to continue eating healthy, join a gym and stick to it. I want to be comfortable with my body and still be healthy.
8) Own a dog. My very own dog. I've always wanted a Daschound named Frank. So maybe two dogs because I want a big badass dog also. He will be named Zeus. Haha Zeus and Frank, how silly of me.
9) Be more open to new opportunites. I always seem to judge and analyze everything and I just want to be able to do things without thinking about it so much. Sometimes it's a good thing, but mostly it just holds me back.
10) This one hurts me and I can't believe I'm about to say it...you probably should have seen it coming, but I would like to have have a child before I'm 30. I don't want to be some old pregnant person, I just think I'd feel better if I had at least one kid before I'm 30. This one scares me but I don't want to feel like I've missed out on anything. I hate missing out on things.
1.17.2010
1.15.2010
This One's For You Champ
So tonight was interesting...or still is I guess. I'm currently sitting on my sister's couch, typing on her computer, about to eat her food. Life isn't all that bad. Thanks Red.
Nobody really has time or wants to hear me bitch right now, which I totally understand. Sometimes I don't have time for you and you understand so we're even. I just want to know why guys think the way they do. I've dated a few guys, I've slept with a few guys and every one of them still thinks I have intimate feelings for them. Like yea, I was attracted to you at one point, and if you haven't dramatically changed your looks (like suddenly grown boobs or gained 500lbs) then I'm probably still attracted to you. But not sexually attracted. That's the difference right there people! I can be attracted to whoever I want, it means absolutely nothing. I'm attracted to my best guy friend. He's a good looking guy, I'm not going to lie. I seriously think his man boobs full of manly muscle are bigger than mine though.
Ok so I've totally gone off the subject but seriously...just because we dated or had sex in the past does not mean that I have devoted my entire life to trying to get you back. First of all, I don't do redos. I did that with one guy years ago many times and that junk is not happening again. Second of all, if I wanted you that bad, I'm pretty sure I'd have you.
So, my point is, the next time I see a guy that I used to date or sleep with, I'm not thinking about him the way I used to. I just wish all guys would get the hint and stop thinking about themselves as some kind of gift to women everywhere. You're not that awesome.
Nobody really has time or wants to hear me bitch right now, which I totally understand. Sometimes I don't have time for you and you understand so we're even. I just want to know why guys think the way they do. I've dated a few guys, I've slept with a few guys and every one of them still thinks I have intimate feelings for them. Like yea, I was attracted to you at one point, and if you haven't dramatically changed your looks (like suddenly grown boobs or gained 500lbs) then I'm probably still attracted to you. But not sexually attracted. That's the difference right there people! I can be attracted to whoever I want, it means absolutely nothing. I'm attracted to my best guy friend. He's a good looking guy, I'm not going to lie. I seriously think his man boobs full of manly muscle are bigger than mine though.
Ok so I've totally gone off the subject but seriously...just because we dated or had sex in the past does not mean that I have devoted my entire life to trying to get you back. First of all, I don't do redos. I did that with one guy years ago many times and that junk is not happening again. Second of all, if I wanted you that bad, I'm pretty sure I'd have you.
So, my point is, the next time I see a guy that I used to date or sleep with, I'm not thinking about him the way I used to. I just wish all guys would get the hint and stop thinking about themselves as some kind of gift to women everywhere. You're not that awesome.
1.05.2010
Slowly But Surely
"You may not be her first, her last or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there"
- Bob Marley
Wow. That's all I can say. I'm not a huge Marley fan, I've never seen this before but I think I need to start listening to his music more often! There are not words more true in the entire universe. It's all about respect and when you don't show a woman what she's worth, you don't deserve her. I realized that although I may love, I'm not really loving. It makes sense in my head. I've been stuck on someone for months and I'm beginning to forget what his arms felt like wrapped around me all night. What his lips felt like against mine. I'm happy I don't have to hold his hand anymore because it always made my fingers hurt. I look at pictures of him and his new love and I'm starting to feel happy that he's happy. His face doesn't make me sad and give me butterflies all at once like it did before. I can look at pictures and not shed a tear. There are still some things I'm not ready for and I know I need to take it slow. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is mighty bittersweet. I'll miss him being around and always making my day a little brighter, but someone else will come around that will be that much better, at least that's what they told me. I feel as if a weight is slowly but surely being lifted off my shoulders and I'm beginning to wriggle free from the grip around my heart. I can breathe and I can't wait to take it all in again.
- Bob Marley
Wow. That's all I can say. I'm not a huge Marley fan, I've never seen this before but I think I need to start listening to his music more often! There are not words more true in the entire universe. It's all about respect and when you don't show a woman what she's worth, you don't deserve her. I realized that although I may love, I'm not really loving. It makes sense in my head. I've been stuck on someone for months and I'm beginning to forget what his arms felt like wrapped around me all night. What his lips felt like against mine. I'm happy I don't have to hold his hand anymore because it always made my fingers hurt. I look at pictures of him and his new love and I'm starting to feel happy that he's happy. His face doesn't make me sad and give me butterflies all at once like it did before. I can look at pictures and not shed a tear. There are still some things I'm not ready for and I know I need to take it slow. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is mighty bittersweet. I'll miss him being around and always making my day a little brighter, but someone else will come around that will be that much better, at least that's what they told me. I feel as if a weight is slowly but surely being lifted off my shoulders and I'm beginning to wriggle free from the grip around my heart. I can breathe and I can't wait to take it all in again.
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