Random Thoughts

They think I'm kidding

Why are there so many ways to spell "han-u-ka" (my way is so much easier)

OH. MY. GOD. THOSE ARE REAL POCKETS!!!!

I love this song

I can't wait to wear my new jeans

This is boring

It's too bad that guy's blinker didn't work, I almost hit him (asshole)

holy shit it's friday

Yes, I believe Tiger did cheat on his wife. No, I don't fucking care.

I can't stop shopping

why is he talking to me

my skin is so dry it hurts to wear clothes

I wonder if Megan will actually come over tonight

oh sun, my long lost friend, how I've missed you. Today I will not wear my sunglasses so I can take you in

holy shit that's hot and I just burned my tongue. There goes tasting food for 4 days.

why are they still trying to spell "han-u-ka"

I'm hungry

does she realize how stupid she sounds

everybody needs to go home

don't forget that CD for Cece

how much money do I have after last night and can I count it at my desk or is that rude

I want pizza

fuck it's cold

she's an idiot

shopping!!!!

My Favorite Song

I can feel it in my chest with every beat of the drum. It tingles my skin and rings in my ears. I'm so overwhelmed with emotion while I listen and take in every word, beat, and strum. Nothing else in the world matters. I love this song. I will always love this song. This is my song. It is the soundtrack to my life. It opened my eyes to a whole new world and still I feel something new everytime I hear it. It brings a smile to my face and a tear to my cheek. It wraps it's melody around me in a loving embrace. It brings me home. I find comfort in the voice ringing in my ears. I can sing along or I can listen contently.

Now I only hear a deafening silence so terrifying and unknown where my song used to play. No other song can compete, though they try. Nothing else is quite as perfect and comfortable. I feel as if my life was once complete only to hang on and enjoy the ride, now tumbling and rolling down the mountainside. As if I was once walking next to you, now standing still watching others pass me by in a hurried blur. I felt whole and purposeful when I'd listen, now barely human helplessly drowning in my lonely routine.

He is my song and now he is gone.

Ahh Winter

This morning Michigan had it's first taste of winter. It was not delicious by any means. Last night the temperatures dropped, the rain turned to snow which in turn led to everything freezing up. Including my car locks. I hate my car. I always have and I'm sure I always will. My car hates me too, I can feel it. I do not have power locks so I have to go old school and stick my key in the lock and turn (remember those days?). My locks freeze even when there's no rain or snow to feeze them up. It's like they get cold, clam up and say "nope" to anything trying to get in the way.
So back to winter, I hate it almost as much as I hate my car. I can do Michigan freezing temperatures, the bone chilling wind and I'll even handle the snow, in small amounts. It's actually pretty, but you never heard me say that. The thing that I absolutely cannot live with is the ice. There's ice everywhere and once it starts, it doesn't go away until spring. There is ice on the roads, highways, rooftops, trees, grass...anything you can thing of, there's ice. Plowing the snow just doesn't seem to help. It packs it down and makes it slippery which makes it feel like ice.
Now in case I wasn't clear before, I really hate my car. I drive a glorified go-kart. It's small and lightweight. Cars like this should not even be allowed in Michigan. We should all be driving sports cars in the summer and big heavy duty four wheel drive trucks in the winter. I've even seen people driving to work on snow mobiles and ATV's. What is ridiculous is my lawnmower size wheels spinning in the snow and my go-kart spinning here and there while I'm just trying to go straight. I'm inside the car half laughing at the obsurdity, half crying of embarassment wishing that I had never gotten rid of my 4x4 ranger. That was the dumbest thing I think I could have even done in my entire life. That was the best thing I've ever bought myself and I blew it. I'm an expert at wrong decisions.
My point...I hope I don't die this winter and if I do, please dispose of my car in a way that would satisfy my last wishes. Drown it, burn it, or better yet, crash it into a snow bank. I think it would like it.

Quitter

The best thing about being a non-smoker: hanging out with other non-smokers and not feeling like the ass of the group. You know, that one person that everyone is friends with but nobody wanted to invite because of that one thing they do that bothers everyone else. With me, it was my smoking habit. Apparently it was more important to me than my friends, or money for that matter. It's been a month and for some reason, I can't wait for it to be a year, 2 years, 10 years. I'm a quitter and I'm fucking proud of it. I can finally get into my sister's car and not feel like shit for wanting to light up that cigarette and inhale death while making her cough, gag, make horrible faces at me and wish death upon me for making her car reek for the next week (that rhymed). It terrifies me to think that one day I will have damaged my lungs so bad that I'll have to carry an oxygen tank with me where ever I go. That my family will see me like this and look at me with pity and shame. I'm the kind of person that cannot miss out on anything and if I go before I feel it is my time, I will not go happily. Therefore, I quit and I intend to live a long happy smoke free life. I know it's morbid, but I need to say that I'm happy as shit being a non-smoker and nothing will ever change that. I've quit before but I've never felt this good about it. I don't know what the difference is this time but I like it. I feel free and healthy. I personally believe Michigan should follow suit and be a non-smoking state. It would be nice to go out for a few drinks and not come home hacking up a lung, coughing up smoke and smelling like I live in a trailer park with curlers in my hair and wearing only a bathrobe and pink bunny slippers. Just my take on what my future might have looked like if I had continued to spend my hard, well ok not so hard earned, money on cigarettes.

Unexplainable

My first post. Ahhh...weird. I've never had a blog before, but things happen to me, things happen around me, and mostly hilarious things happen to people I know that I want to tell the world. So world, here it is. This entry just so happens to be about me although I have no idea what it means. Last night I had the craziest dream I've had in a while. There I am in my aunt's car with her and my sister, it's dusk, we're driving along some shoreline I can only assume is on Michigan's west coast when all the sudden I see about 100 swans floating in the lake beside me. It was like that scene right out of the Notebook, only thing missing was the amazing Ryan Gossling, and a boat... Anyway, I make my aunt pull over so I can take a picture and I'm being "Elmer Fudd" queit as I get out of the truck. My sister hops out of the back of the truck (yes Megan, you) and slams the fucking door. All the sudden, happening faster than I can move but somehow in slow motion, the swans look at me, snarl and go into attack mode. This one bastard runs into me and starts plucking at me with his beak. I turn around to see why Megan isn't helping me get away and to hand her my camera, because we all know it's more important to me than any of my fingers, and she's in the truck laughing. Thanks Meg. I'm being attacked by the swan devil and she's laughing. Next thing I know, I'm in the car and we're going to the car wash. But we're not in the car. We have to get out of the vehicle and walk through the car wash to get to the other side. Don't ask me why because I have no idea. We're not walking through the actual "washing" part, but next to it. Following the truck. The whole time I'm thinking, seriously?? WTF? I have no idea what any of this means, but it's probably not good since it seems the only dreams I can remember are the ones telling me I'm broke, I'm having problems in my life or something bad is going to happen to me. Come to think of it, I could be a "dream teller". All you have to do is say "something bad will happen in your future". It's inevitable. You could get hit by a bus or stub your toe. It's up to you to decide what's bad or good. That's it, I'm going to be a foturne teller. At least I won't have any more dreams about being broke.